Friday, December 14, 2012

THE LONGEST TABLE LUNCH

MANJIMUP
NEWTON ORCHARDS
SUNDAY
9.12.12

THE longest table lunch ever in the history of Manjimup, Australia and probably most other regions, was held in the middle of a cherry orchard today (or last weekend).

The brains behind the event organised for four World Class Chefs to prepare five courses to eat alongside the best wines available on the planet.

It should also be made clear that the almost 250 people sat at one table, not five alongside each other. If you were down one end you had to call a taxi to get to the other end. One patron, separated from his partner, took five hours to make his way under the table in a frantic search for his loved one, or someone to love, or someone he once loved, no-one knew.



In fact, the food was delivered along the length of the table from the back of a truck.
 

And here, right after the inaugural Loquat Stone Spitting Championship of the Planet, are three men who featured but lost.

On the left is up and coming spitter, Jeff Pow, in the middle the spit-caller, Jon Doust, and on the right an up-and-coming spit-caller, Wyatt Nixon-Lloyd.


The spitting competition was won by someone whose name we have forgotten, but he will be back to spit again, he assured us, made it clear he felt chuffed and pumped by his win, even though no-one congratulated him or went anywhere near him when the event was over.


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

MANJIMUP
December 8,
2012

LOCAL BOY WRESTS CROWN


IN a dramatic finish to the Australasian GlobeVista Cherry Pip Spitting Championships, local lad Clint "Dark Cloud" Thompson spat a hug 14 metre, or 12 metre, or maybe just over 11 metres, to win this years championship.

In the final were the current Australasian champion, New Zealander Aaron "Thunder Tongue" Collins and last years Australian champ Grant "Hercules" Hetherington.

One local estimated the crowd at around 15,000, while an out-of-towner suggested the number might have been closer to 5000. It made no difference, all were treated to the very best of spitting from the Australasian region.

Clint has his passport ready and is willing to fly to Cromwell in the middle south of the south island to defend his title against all the Kiwis have to spit at him.

Aaron Collins was shattered by his loss and has sworn to avenge his defeat. His manager, Ben "Haka" Wakefield said Aaron seemed out of sorts and it may have had something to do with the local beers. When reminded that all local beers were made by a New Zealand beer making corporation he quickly swallowed his and ordered a bottle of gin.

The scene is set. The next round of the Australasian Pip/Stone Spitting Championships will be spat out in Cromwell, South Island, New Zealand, on January the 4th, 2013.

Clint "Dark Cloud" holds high the trophy he won in a dash and flash of pip and saliva.

The three winners from all divisions:
Jo "Perennial" Perry, Kieran "Big Bucks" Grant and Clint "Dark Cloud" Thompson.

"Face of the Festival" Jordan Piggott with his arm around past pip spitting champ Craig "Blow Hard" McSharer.

Monday, December 03, 2012

THE ANNUAL GLOBE VISTA CHERRY PIP/STONE SPITTING CHAMIONSHIP OF THE ENTIRE WORLD ... well, some of it ... IS ON AGAIN!

MANJIMUP
4.12.12
It's on again and this year the boys and girls from Big Timber Country are determined to wrest the trophy back from the Ditch Dudes.

The New Zealanders piked out last year. They were too frightened to send someone over, but we sent them Hercules Hetherington. Here's how it was reported on this very page:

IN a startling turn of events, a school teacher claiming to be from Green Island, an island off the coast of Dunedin (NZ), has won the Globe Vista Australasian Cherry Pip/Stone Spitting Championship.

Aaron Collins spat a massive 12.58 metres to to win the event and the right to spit in the faces of 5000 Australians in the return spit in Manjimup this coming December.

It is believed Hercules Hetherington was handed a drink just before the final and the question has been raised: Was it spiked? Were his knees hobbled? Who was that man in the background? Why did the resident official turn his back at the last minute? 

Hetherington, who normally spits well over 15 metres was left staring at a pip just over 11 metres from his standing position.   


It's been a while since the Australasian Globe Vista Trophy was held by Aussies but all signs suggest this year could be the one.

What are those signs? What has brought us to this point in our fruit growing history where we think that a mob of growling men and women spitting tiny fruit stones, but mainly saliva, is of any importance?

No idea. It just is. It's the way we are. Some bastard has a trophy that belongs to us. We started the bloody thing.

It's like the poor Poms, nothing they would like more than to win the world cup, in anything: rugby, cricket, soccer, tennis. They came up with the lot and they hardly ever see a trophy.

Why did they come up with them in the first place? Good question. The weather, probably, although that is changing so fast it is doubtful they will come up with any more games before we all disappear into the coean.

My tip: be in Manjimup  this Saturday December 8th, for the biggest and nastiest spit-off you have ever seen.

EXTRAS:
BIG HOO HA FRIDAY NIGHT
CONCERT IN TIMBER PARK SATURDAY NIGHT
LONG TABLE LUNCH ON SUNDAY



Monday, January 16, 2012

THE WINNER TAKES THE LOT

CROMWELL
January 2012

IN a startling turn of events, a school teacher claiming to be from Green Island, an island off the coast of Dunedin (NZ), has won the Globe Vista Australasian Cherry Pip/Stone Spitting Championship.

Aaron Collins spat a massive 12.58 metres to to win the event and the right to spit in the faces of 5000 Australians in the return spit in Manjimup this coming December.

It is believed Hercules Hetherington was handed a drink just before the final and the question has been raised: Was it spiked? Were his knees hobbled? Who was that man in the background? Why did the resident official turn his back at the last minute? 

Hetherington, who normally spits well over 15 metres was left staring at a pip just over 11 metres from his standing position.   


Australian champ and Manjimup boy, Grant Hercules Hetherington shakes the hand of the mysterious Aaron Collins.


Aaron Collins blows his pip. 



For those of you wondering, Wikipedia claims Green Island is uninhabited.

Read on: Green Island is a small uninhabited island located at 45°57′11″S 170°23′14″E, 13 km (8.1 mi) southwest of Dunedin, close to the mouth of the Kaikorai Lagoon. The island's Māori name is Okaihae.
It may be the 'Isle of Wight' where the Sydney sealer Brothers, chartered by Robert Campbell and sailing under Robert Mason dropped eight men of a gang of eleven in November 1809. William Tucker who later settled at Whareakeake (Murdering Beach) near Otago Heads was in the gang. Alternatively the 'Isle of Wight' may be Taieri Island a few kilometres to the south. It has been suggested in that case Green Island may be 'Ragged Rock' where the other three men of the Brothers' gang were landed. Some of the men claimed to have stayed on these two islands from 9 November 1809 until 20 December 1810.[1]
Green Island used to be called St Michael's Mount, suggesting it had been named after the island of that name off the Cornish coast. It is more likely it was so named after Tommy Chaseland's mother ship the St. Michael when he was sealing here in the 1820s. He told Edward Shortland he lost a boat and all its hands when it was dashed on the island while trying to land. He stayed alone overnight and was picked up by another boat the following day.[2]
In the 1880s the island was mined for guano, bird dung used as fertiliser.

Strange, but is it true?
Can we believe Wiki?
If so, where is Collins really from?
All will be revealed this coming December, as Collins defends his title in Manjimup, part of the great south west of Western Australia and another town in the West's fruit and vegetable bowl.




Courtney "Cherry Intern" Monahan, Jon "Blow Hard" Doust, and Ian "Radio Man" Blackley, on MMM, Bunbury.